I saw something on facebook that said something like when you are sad or hurt, you just want your Mom. Then I saw a joke about having daddy issues because of a tattoo on their lower back that said spank me. It got me to thinking, that I have BOTH Mommy & Daddy issues.
I don't have the greatest relationship with my parents. They divorced when I was 2. My dad wasn't nearby, so I only saw him occasionally growing up. I have a twin sister, but mom wasn't expecting twins. I've always felt like the invisible twin.
I love my parents, but when I'm sad or lonely and at home crying, I want a friend, not my parents.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Suicide is not Selfish
I've heard people say that committing suicide is selfish. As I struggle with suicidal thoughts, I can tell you it's not selfish reasons that cause me to want to kill myself. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm sure most people are like me - feeling hopeless, lost and alone.
Asking for help is much easier said than done. Who wants to be known as the depressed family member or friend on the verge of suicide? Friends and family will treat you differently and constantly worry if you are having bad thoughts. I like my alone time. If my family & friends knew how often I had suicidal thoughts, they'd be checking on me every day if they didn't hear from me. I think that would drive me over the edge.
What keeps me from attempting suicide? My son. I can't leave him like that. I have to remind myself that I'm not alone - others have gone through what I've gone through or are struggling like I am now. Going to church helps me feel less lost and less hopeless.
I have to take it one day at a time.
Until I blog again . . .
Asking for help is much easier said than done. Who wants to be known as the depressed family member or friend on the verge of suicide? Friends and family will treat you differently and constantly worry if you are having bad thoughts. I like my alone time. If my family & friends knew how often I had suicidal thoughts, they'd be checking on me every day if they didn't hear from me. I think that would drive me over the edge.
What keeps me from attempting suicide? My son. I can't leave him like that. I have to remind myself that I'm not alone - others have gone through what I've gone through or are struggling like I am now. Going to church helps me feel less lost and less hopeless.
I have to take it one day at a time.
Until I blog again . . .
Monday, December 17, 2012
How to deal with ex husband during Christmas?
I just got off the phone with my son's father. He wants to get our 12 year old an iPhone. I wanted to wait and do it on his 13th birthday. I don't mind consulting with him to make sure we aren't duplicating any plans, but why do we have to decide together on what to do?
He's suggesting we do the phone for Christmas and a go-kart for his birthday (in 6 months). I said I'm not financially contributing to the go-kart and he thought I didn't like the go-kart idea. I just think our financial decisions shouldn't have to be made together anymore (except again to make sure we aren't both planning to buy him the same thing - because I don't want to waste money). Oh - and if he gets him the iPhone for Christmas - he can't take it to school (which is the main reason our son wants it - to show all his friends he has the latest and greatest gadget instead of the cheap flip phone he has now). Trying to coordinate how to get the phone from home to his grandparents who take care of him after school is another thing to consider but Dad seems to think that's a minor issue.
How do others deal with this?
He's suggesting we do the phone for Christmas and a go-kart for his birthday (in 6 months). I said I'm not financially contributing to the go-kart and he thought I didn't like the go-kart idea. I just think our financial decisions shouldn't have to be made together anymore (except again to make sure we aren't both planning to buy him the same thing - because I don't want to waste money). Oh - and if he gets him the iPhone for Christmas - he can't take it to school (which is the main reason our son wants it - to show all his friends he has the latest and greatest gadget instead of the cheap flip phone he has now). Trying to coordinate how to get the phone from home to his grandparents who take care of him after school is another thing to consider but Dad seems to think that's a minor issue.
How do others deal with this?
Saturday, December 15, 2012
First blog!
How excting! My first blog post! What do I write about?
I have so many thoughts running through my brain. I want to write about them all.
Tonight I'll start with what's top of mind - the tragedy in Connecticut. My heart goes out to everyone affected by the mass murder of children. I had to change the channel from CNN. I'm torn between wanting to know every detail (because I'm an info junkie) and not wanting to hear anymore because it's upsetting and we'll never truly understand why the shooter did what he did.
I told my son today that I hope this doesn't cause anyone to lose their faith in God during this time. My hope is that this either strengthens their faith or for anyone who hasn't accepted Jesus as their saviour, that they will turn to him. I recently read The Shack and I wish I could send a copy of that book to everyone affected by this tragedy (http://www.theshackbook.com). I believe the devil had his hand in this.
I see a lot of debate about gun control and I don't believe that is the answer to preventing these types of tragedies (although I do believe tighter gun control may reduce some gun violence).
Well, enough sad stuff. Have a great night and I'll blog again soon (I hope).
I have so many thoughts running through my brain. I want to write about them all.
Tonight I'll start with what's top of mind - the tragedy in Connecticut. My heart goes out to everyone affected by the mass murder of children. I had to change the channel from CNN. I'm torn between wanting to know every detail (because I'm an info junkie) and not wanting to hear anymore because it's upsetting and we'll never truly understand why the shooter did what he did.
I told my son today that I hope this doesn't cause anyone to lose their faith in God during this time. My hope is that this either strengthens their faith or for anyone who hasn't accepted Jesus as their saviour, that they will turn to him. I recently read The Shack and I wish I could send a copy of that book to everyone affected by this tragedy (http://www.theshackbook.com). I believe the devil had his hand in this.
I see a lot of debate about gun control and I don't believe that is the answer to preventing these types of tragedies (although I do believe tighter gun control may reduce some gun violence).
Well, enough sad stuff. Have a great night and I'll blog again soon (I hope).
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